Letter to my children

You asked me if you could go to gymnastics and I said maybe.

You asked me if you could go to judo and I said maybe.

You asked if I can enroll you to ballet and I said maybe but I never did.


I was selfish and still I am.


I didn’t bring you to soft play so often because I hated sitting there either working on my laptop or scrolling on my phone while drinking an overpriced rubbish coffee and watching you having fun.


I planned ‘puzzle party’ instead at home and we did all the puzzles together, ALL OF THEM and they covered the whole floor in the living room and it was so fun that we couldn’t move.


I didn’t like going to the playground so often as I was bored. I took you to the woods instead where we loved talking about leaves and colours and flowers and bugs and life and we could run wide and get dirty and laugh and scream and it was so fun.


I didn’t like taking you to after school activities and watching you doing all the fun but I loved visiting the big library with you which was more awesome than our small local one and I loved reading the books and talk about books and stories and we always ended borrowing more than 25 books altough I allowed only 10 each (but it was impossible to choose!) and then we went to see the grown up books and I was sitting on the floor flipping through photography albums while you were reading your books and it was so nice.


You barely went to the cinema to see the latest movies because I wanted to show you my childhood favourites like The Aristocats and Oliver & Company and 101 Dalmatiens and The Jungle Book and I always bought sweet and salty popcorn in the Co-op for £1.10 and I pulled down the blinds and closed the door and we cuddled up on our bed and we had our own movie nights.


I am a selfish mother I know and I wanted you to do the fun with me and I didn't want to watch you on the bench in a hall but I wanted to be with you.


I hope you understand that and you forgive me.



PS: I truly hope I didn’t fuck up your ballet career… if I did I’m sorry.